I have terrible Impostor Syndrome, not just in relation to my writing but in almost every aspect of my life, (I spent a year thinking that a group of writers hated me (they didn’t) because they said “Who are you?” And my brain translated that as, “Who do you think you are lowly mortal, wanting to come out for dinner with us?)
It’s this Impostor Syndrome that has stopped me doing so much in my life, and was one of the reasons that after a childhood of writing, I didn’t start writing again until my mid 30’s. It wasn’t until a trip to my local library introduced me to my local writing group that I felt comfortable to write again, although it was read by no one except myself, my husband, and my fellow writing group attendees. It was at one of these meetings one of the group, upset by a rejection, stated, “It doesn’t matter how good a writer you are, it’s who you know that’s important.” Now I’m aware that they probably meant this in a negative way, and I decided that they were probably right in their statement, though maybe not in their meaning. It really doesn’t matter how good a writer you are. If you aren’t sending your writing out there into the writing world it can’t be published. Also as is the way in most occupations, you find out about new opportunities from your colleagues. So I decided to bite the bullet and attend my first writing convention Edge-Lit, taking my husband along for moral support. Now most people who go to same conventions as myself, probably know who I am. I am usually smiley, chatty, friendly, and as the day unfolds and the alcohol is drunk, I tend to get louder and more sweary, so I am quite difficult to miss (being 6ft 2in also helps). But when I first started to attend conventions this confidence was faked, I would stand outside the convention, take several deep breaths to calm myself, put on my best fake “airhostess” smile, and sashay through the crowds. Now at my first convention I had my husband with me (he is great at chatting to people), and that definitely made it easier for me, but for my second convention I went on my own, and my Impostor Syndrome made another appearance.
Now I’m pretty sure that my Impostor Syndrome comes from the fact that I was bullied as a child (as I’m sure most people have experienced at some point or another), for me it left me fearing that I would be left on my own with no friends, or that if I try to talk to people they will snub me. At this convention I still really didn’t know anyone, and if people chatted to me and asked me to join them, I would make polite excuses about needing to go to panel, or a workshop, and make my exit. As I was so worried that any in-depth conversation would reveal me to be the boring, useless, amateur that I was. This fear has now been neatly pushed back down into its cage (most of the time), but this took years, the incident with the “Who are you?” was at my fifth convention, and there are still incidences that happen now (I’m always sure when I sub an invited story for an anthology, that the editor is trying to find a nice way to tell me my story isn’t good enough), so that gremlin of anxiety is still there sitting on my shoulder, but there are ways to make him less conspicuous. So here are my tips on overcoming Impostor Syndrome:
1.Bite the bullet and join that writing group or attend that convention. You have to take that first step.
2.If they have a welcome event, go to it. The red cloaks and volunteers are amazing people, and will take you under their wing. They are the best!
3.Visit the dealer room. The publishers and dealers are all really friendly people, and it is a good place to go and decompress. The dealers and browsers tend not to be rushing off for a panel or workshop, so you can have a chat, find out what new authors you might like to read (or meet. I was so excited when I realised I was stood next to Simon Bestwick at my first convention), and of course buy books.
4.Go to panels and workshops. The former as it gives you time to not have to talk, you can just absorb the advice and knowledge from awesome writers. The latter as it gives you a safe space to talk, these are a great place to meet other writers from all points of their writing careers from very beginners to more seasoned pros.
5.Take a friend, a lot of the writers who go to conventions go solo, they go to catch up with old friends and meet new ones, but with my Impostor Syndrome this was something I just didn’t have the confidence to do initially. So it can feel easier if you take someone with you, whether this is to a convention, festival or writing group. It can also help to look online at the social media pages for the events, often people will post on there if they are new or attending on their own. Remember there is strength in numbers.
6.If someone chats to you, or you want to chat to someone (no matter how in awe of them you are) then do it. Writers as a whole are solitary beasts, and introverts to a man (or woman). My best friend who I have known for years thinks it is hilarious that the person who she knows as the most introverted person ever, is probably the most extroverted at writing conventions.
7.And finally Fake it until you make it. I still have to take those seconds out, take those deep breaths, and put on my airhostess smile. But those incidences are become fewer, and I hope one day when you see my smiling, laughing and chatting at a writing convention you will know that, that’s my real smile and not the mask that we all have to slide over our faces once in a while.
Penny Jones knew she was a writer when she started to talk about herself in the third person (her family knew when Santa bought her a typewriter for Christmas). She loves reading and will read pretty much anything you put in front of her, but her favourite authors are Stephen King, Shirley Jackson and John Wyndham. In fact Penny only got into writing to buy books, when she realised that there wasn’t that much money in writing she stayed for the cake.
